Aligning expectations

"In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order."
Ahhh the expectations.... the key to wedding bliss ( note I did NOT say 'wedded bliss') is in aligning your expectations with those of the bride and groom AND with your vendors. The old adage "you get what you pay for" and it's evil twin "if it seems to good to be true, it isn't" ,are old adages for a reason. They are true.
When you envision your daughter's wedding and when she envisions her OWN wedding, it is most helpful if these 2 visions are similar. If your vision is of a formal seated dinner in a grand space with violins playing and her's is a field full of wildflowers with a bluegrass band, then you all better start some open conversations!  But let's assume you are roughly on the same page. Now it's time to choose vendors and get them onto that same page.
So where do you start? If you took my advice and hired a wedding planner, that person knows who is who in your town and can guide you to the vendors who most likely will fit your needs.If you chose to go this road alone, you start with recommendations from friends, colleagues , magazines, online websites etc. It's a big field of vendors out there and just because one has a big fancy ad in a magazine does not mean -well..anything. In other words, don't assume anything. Don't assume they are too expensive or that they are the best in town.
When asking people for recommendations, consider the source. If you ask your friend who you admire because they entertain lavishly, then expect that their recommendations will include top-notch vendors who charge accordingly. If you have a colleague who's daughter loves to cook and who is' trying to break into the catering business', you never know, she may be the next Martha Stewart!
Regardless, if your expectations align with people whose style and taste are similar to what you are looking for, then you are off to a good start.  But rememeber that each wedding is different and what your friend loved may be your worst nightmare!
Meet with at least 3 well chosen vendors for each category: music, food, florist....don't go interviewing everyone in town, it's a waste of your time and a waste of the vendors' time. ALIGN your expectations early. Do as much research as you can on a particular vendor before setting up an appointment to meet and write down what you want and what you expect. That list is different for everyone, so make sure that it reflects the type and style of event you want . {A special note about In-House services. Some venues have in-house catering, florists, music etc, which means that the decision is out of your hands. If you like the venue, you automatically have their service providers.} Remember what I talked about earlier regarding priorities.If you LOVE a space then learn to love the services they offer.


to recap so far:

• discuss what you all want and expect before your meetings with vendors, no one wants to see you and your daughter bickering in front of them!
• write down what you want ,but keep an open mind for unexpected,wonderful suggestions.remember these people are professionals and they do this every week and they can have great ideas.
• research your vendors by any means possible
• be open and honest with your vendors about your expectations and your budget. Don't be afraid that if you tell your vendor you have a specific amount to spend, that they will suck up every last drop..although they may have to ...to meet your expectations.
• be willing to re-adjust your expectations based on costs, priorities and logistics.If you do your research and find 3 vendors who have a style you like, and you find that all of them are higher than your budget, you may need to re-evaluate your budget. OR re-think your expectations.

Look for specific posts regarding florists, caterer, dress shops, photographers etc...i'll be writing more as the summer goes on. Been really crazy busy designing new fall line for my real job!