First things First - the numbers

So now that you and your daughter have brainstormed ideas and shared your dreams for a perfect wedding, what do you do to get started?
The first thing you need to do is calmly tally up your numbers, and by numbers I mean the guestlist. You have no idea of what this wedding is going to cost or even where you can hold the wedding until you know how many people you want to invite. ( note: the rule of thumb is that +/- 15% of invited guests will decline...the reality??? could be anything, be prepared )
Cardinal rule #1.THIS WEDDING IS NOT A PAYBACK PARTY !!!!!!!!!
#2. If you haven't seen or heard from somebody in years, now is not the time to catch up. You won't have time the day of the wedding anyway.
#3. this is not a business party or your social life..if you want to have a party for all your acquaintances than have one..but don't use the wedding to entertain.
#4. If you can't pick up the phone at midnight and call a person for help, they are NOT your friend, they are an acquaintance.
#5, you may have a large family, but do you really feel the same about everyone? If wild Uncle Carl is a problem drunk ,do you care more about hurting his feelings than you do about his disrupting the wedding?
#6.Your doctor, your lawyer , your accountant..they are not necessarily your dear loved friends..they do not need to be part of your guestlist and they probably don't know anyone but you so .... are you starting to get the idea here?
The best way to control your costs is with the guestlistRemember that each person you invite ( and their spouse) starts to add up.. You will also find very quickly that venues have seating capacities and many interesting locations will not accommodate more than 150 guests for a seated dinner...
A wedding is an intimate affair to be shared with people who love and support you and the wedding couple.
So go bravely to that sheet of paper and scratch out all the people who you thought you HAD to invite and think about who you want to share this love and joy with.

Now what about the Bride and Groom's list and the inlaws?
The bride and groom no doubt have a ton of friends that they party with and who they went to school with. Luckily a lot of them are single. THEY CAN LIVE WITHOUT A DATE FOR ONE NIGHT!!! you do not want to pay for or have a 'date' attend the wedding. the 'date' probably won't know anyone and it is awkward all around, especially if you have a seated dinner..more on this later.
YES you have to invite significant others of bridal party members and any guest who is engaged may bring the fiance. If the B&G get harassed by a 'friend' who wants to bring a random date then you are officially the bad guy and you get to say no with impunity.
Once you see the B&G list, you can always ask them to pair it down using a similar criterion as stated above. Chances are their list will be reasonable and roughly equal to your list and it IS their wedding.
After you see where the numbers are, you will add a number for the inlaws,it should roughly be the same as yours. Don't get them involved quite yet though, because you have to find a venue that will fit your guestlist and your budget and you may all need to pair down your lists.
So now go and jot down who you think you want to invite and multiply that by 3 and you should have a reasonable number to start your venue search.....

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