People always ask me how I find cool stuff and how I find out about everything..well the answer is Google and Google Images. I'm addicted to Google Images. I'm very visual and it helps me to cross reference when i see a photo of what I'm looking for because it usually leads me to another photo of something that leads me to another and on and on it goes.
When i do research for a wedding I spend hours looking at images for inspiration and techniques and colorways that relate in some way to the wedding I am designing. I create color boards and idea boards so that my brides and I can share a common visual dialog. it's these details that make a wedding personal and it's what you see in the best wedding photos, magazines and blogs.
So as an MOB I was on Google overdrive. I looked at venue sites, caterers, dresses dresses and more dresses, shoes, photographers , etc etc etc..I need to educate myself on what was out there in every category and to find out ballpark pricing so I had something to base my estimated budget on. I needed advice about our potential date ( the night before Easter)
Literally everything you can think of is somewhere online, but i never really found specific advice targeted to the MOB, everything is targeted to brides..In my situation, my daughter wanted me to be very hands on, she of course became a little google obsessed herself ,but she know i knew what weddings are all about .We made a good team. She taught me how to find some awesome deals on hotels and limos...it's all out there!
some very important sites you need to know:
http://www.theknot.com/ set up an account for yourself and read read read. Also get the bride & Groom to set up their free wedding website here.its fun and informative for your guests. They have a gift registry too.
http://www.weddingwire.com/ good info on finding vendors and some handy tools like a budget maker
http://pinterest.com/ the visual equivalent of a kid in a candystore! of course i got totally hooked on here myself http://pinterest.com/andreastieff/
http://www.paperlesspost.com/ I adore this site for gorgeous invitations and notes, all virtual! I send beautiful notes to people and we did our last minute Sunday Brunch invites through here. There is still no replacement for a real wedding invitation in the mail...that is such a landmark event..putting the stack of envelopes in the mail and waiting each day for the piles of replies...ohh I loved that. But more and more of our world is happening online and for anyone under 30, email is the way to communicate...too hard to text message an invitation!
gmail : email from google if you don't have a gmail account..get thee one! The labels are easy to use and you will need a filing system for all the emails you have pertaining to the wedding. it's easy to attach files, photos and links and it's the most user friendly mail client I have ever used.
Don't get all tricky with your screen name,use your name, people are trying to contact you and fastcatflower2285@...is not professional and who can remember that bulls--t!
http://www.myregistry.com ok so this one is more geared towards the wedding couple, but here is the place for the B&G to register for things that are not available at the big stores as well as one stop registry for all stores. Lizzie registered for paintings on here and she got them! And here's a tip to pass along..Williams -Sonoma and Pottery Barn are under the same family, so if the B&G need to return a gift from one , they can get credit at either AND if you register and don't receive the gift, they will let you purchase it at a discount for a time period after the wedding.. I don't have the specifics but good to know for things like furniture.
http://www.stylemepretty.com/ this blog has it all..advice, gorgeous photos of real weddings... DYI ideas, fashion, vendor search.. so much to look at and aspire to!
I'll see you again when you return from your online searching..it's addictive.
Once your daughter tells you the great news, what do you do? Where do you start to plan a wedding? I've been on both sides of the process...for 25 years I designed weddings and on April 23rd my daughter said I DO..she actually said "You BET I do!"...now start at the beginning of this blog and use it as a primer to help guide you through this remarkable time.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
to Spanx or not to Spanx
i don't really care what you say or what you think..go buy some and wear them. They will change your life. Well maybe not your life, but your butt and your tummy..oh yes you DO have a tummy. My daughter is 6 feet tall and wears a size 4 and she wore spanx under her wedding gown...not to make her look slimmer- virtually impossible- but to make her look SMOOTHER...silk gowns are very revealing and even the most toned woman has panty lines and belly button dimples....and frankly my dears...you are not built like a 26yearold and you never will be again. Now if they only made Spanx for men!! hahahh
no way, they DO http://www.spanx.com/category/index.jsp?categoryId=3955558 oh man I wish i had known about this 6 weeks ago. Google is your friend.
The BEST gift you can give to yourself
Having been a major player in the creation of countless weddings , the one thing I knew for sure is that there was NO Way I could pull off the wedding without someone by my side. The BEST gift you can give to yourself and to your family is a Wedding Planner. Now that may seem like a funny thing for me to say since i have been in the business for 25 years and by now i should know everything there is to know..but truly , being on the MoB side of the wedding game is a whole different animal. For 25 years I lived and breathed weddings, I know just about everything that goes on behind the scenes from a decorating standpoint and I've pitched in doing lighting ,rigging tents,even doing cooking,sewing and calligraphy in a pinch...but I never had to bear the weight of the entire event AND be there to enjoy it. I always had amazing colleagues to share the joy and the pain and I have the greatest respect for everyone in the event community because I know what goes on behind the scenes the day of, the week of, the months leading up to, a wedding. Your vendors pour countless hours working to make your wedding a success, they are a team and you are their captain...but the captain needs a co-pilot and that person is your wedding planner.
My favorite movie character is Frank in Father of the Bride, played by Martin Short. He epitomizes everything that is misconceived about wedding planners, but he sure did have a vision.. Schvans, we must have schvans! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKFtRedJxTw And while it really isn't all about the cake, it really is all about allowing YOU to enjoy your daughter's wedding. Nothing is sadder than missing all the fun because you are a bedraggled emotional physical wreck from troubleshooting all the last minute problems that inevitably arise on the day of the wedding. TRUST me on this, there is stuff happening behind the scenes of every wedding that would make you weep and you DO NOT want to know about it...trust me! Every time you think your vendors are overcharging you , please know that what you actually see the day of the wedding is just the tip of the iceberg...months of work went into every aspect from the food to the flowers to the music by hundreds of people all over the world....all for you and your daughter.( You'll see what i mean when I start elaborating about specific areas, like the flowers.)
So what does a wedding planner do and why do you NEED one?
First you have to decide how much you want a planner to do. Some do everything including designing the event, think Colin Cowie types. While most offer many levels of service, don't just go for 'day of' coordinating...how would you like to be thrown into a situation that you had no control over and be expected to make sure everything turns our perfectly..this is unreasonable!!! ohhh on so many levels!
The whole point of hiring a planner/coordinator is to help you all along the way. To be your sounding board and your shoulder to cry on, and even your whipping post at times! Wedding planners should be awarded honorary degrees in psychology and be elevated to sainthood . Interview several until you find one who 'gets you '. Whatever money you spend on a planner will be repaid in savings for having someone to lean on , to guide you, to tell you frankly that white tuxedos are a big mistake that you will regret for the next 50 years. hahahaha But seriously, you deserve to enjoy the big day and the only way to do that is to hand over the responsibility to someone you can trust. No matter how many times your caterer tells you they will take care of everything, will your caterer be at the church when the florist shows up to decorate and there is a funeral going on? Will your banquet manager know what to do when the limos get lost coming to your home? You want to be on cloud nine, not troubleshooting!
You NEED a wedding coordinator to help you
My favorite movie character is Frank in Father of the Bride, played by Martin Short. He epitomizes everything that is misconceived about wedding planners, but he sure did have a vision.. Schvans, we must have schvans! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKFtRedJxTw And while it really isn't all about the cake, it really is all about allowing YOU to enjoy your daughter's wedding. Nothing is sadder than missing all the fun because you are a bedraggled emotional physical wreck from troubleshooting all the last minute problems that inevitably arise on the day of the wedding. TRUST me on this, there is stuff happening behind the scenes of every wedding that would make you weep and you DO NOT want to know about it...trust me! Every time you think your vendors are overcharging you , please know that what you actually see the day of the wedding is just the tip of the iceberg...months of work went into every aspect from the food to the flowers to the music by hundreds of people all over the world....all for you and your daughter.( You'll see what i mean when I start elaborating about specific areas, like the flowers.)
So what does a wedding planner do and why do you NEED one?
First you have to decide how much you want a planner to do. Some do everything including designing the event, think Colin Cowie types. While most offer many levels of service, don't just go for 'day of' coordinating...how would you like to be thrown into a situation that you had no control over and be expected to make sure everything turns our perfectly..this is unreasonable!!! ohhh on so many levels!
The whole point of hiring a planner/coordinator is to help you all along the way. To be your sounding board and your shoulder to cry on, and even your whipping post at times! Wedding planners should be awarded honorary degrees in psychology and be elevated to sainthood . Interview several until you find one who 'gets you '. Whatever money you spend on a planner will be repaid in savings for having someone to lean on , to guide you, to tell you frankly that white tuxedos are a big mistake that you will regret for the next 50 years. hahahaha But seriously, you deserve to enjoy the big day and the only way to do that is to hand over the responsibility to someone you can trust. No matter how many times your caterer tells you they will take care of everything, will your caterer be at the church when the florist shows up to decorate and there is a funeral going on? Will your banquet manager know what to do when the limos get lost coming to your home? You want to be on cloud nine, not troubleshooting!
You NEED a wedding coordinator to help you
- to compare preposals and to review contracts
- to help you find reliable vendors
- to help you establish a realistic budget and to help keep you on that budget
- to be the go-between when anyone 'difficult' needs to be dealt with
- to advise and help you to make educated decisions
- to be the point person for all of your vendors
- to establish a timeline so the day goes smoothly
- to arrange and oversee production meetings
- to manage all the millions of details
- to be the voice of reality,"no you can't have the ceremony at 2 and have the entire wedding party of 8 do hair and make up AND do photos before the ceremony and only hire one makeup artist"
- to remind you to go buy Spanx..oh yes you do need Spanx
- to help you deal with the inlaws
- to be the buffer when you and your daughter start to but heads..it'll happen.
- to allow you to be the Mother of the Bride and to cry tears of joy and to laugh till you pee and to dance your butt off and to hug all the people you love and to celebrate on the ONE day of the wedding...as you should. This is the gift that you need to give yourself,it will all be over in a flash and there are no do-overs.
Friday, June 10, 2011
BUDGET should be a 4 letter word
Nothing will stress you all out more than the budget. Fathers ( FOB) can be particularly out of touch with reality, after all they haven;t been watching Martha Stewart for 20 years and they don't know from The Knot. Reading through magazines will potentially give you false hope that this wedding won't cost you an arm and a leg. But be realistic, your budget has to match your expectations. If you want a seated dinner for 300 in a heated tent with a 12 piece orchestra and orchids on every table, don't even begin to fool yourself that this won't cost 100K or more.
Sure there have been zillions of weddings that don't cost a kings ransom and everyone had a great time...but I'm not here to tell you how to DIY for under $1000 and make it look like a million, I'm sure there is a blog for that. This is all about frank advice and frankly..weddings are expensive.
Now expensive is a relative term. For one bride 50K may seem like a phenomenal budget ,while another thinks that 50k will just about cover the decorating budget. Either way, there will be battles over where you put your dollars. There's a great tool on Weddingwire.com that allows you to create a budget and to keep track of things. I started that and decided that 55K was about what it would cost..and the final tally...ohhh somewhere around 70K. I just HAD to have those adorable hangers with the girls' names twisted into the wire and of course we had to have 40 pounds of Jelly Belly Beans for the Easter wedding and so what if the dress cost $700 more than we budgeted..it's the perfect one and on and on it went.
SO if it's so easy to loose control over the budget, why have one? Because you have to start somewhere and you will be expected to make decisions from the beginning that will affect your costs.
For instance: you fall in love with a venue that costs $6000 to rent and you have to bring in a caterer...you already know that your 150 guests will fit the capacity and you know that the caterer estimates that a dinner will cost about $100.00 per person, so you know right then that you are at $21,000.00 before flowers, brides outfit, photographer, music.....add on an average of 4K for each of these and you are now up to $33,000.Adds up fast huh? and these things are just the basics.
Again, i remind you that i am speaking of weddings that are of the caliber of those you'd see in magazines ..and these days, what brides see, is what they want.
SOOO all i am trying to get across is that you have to establish some kind of budget so that you can intelligently make decisions of where to hold the wedding, which caterer you can afford, what florist, music etc etc etc.. AND you have to establish this budget based on your expectations and your priorities. Is there any point in looking at Vera Wang when it will only break your heart if your daughter falls in love with a dress that costs $6000?
Next up...how to start the actual planning
Sure there have been zillions of weddings that don't cost a kings ransom and everyone had a great time...but I'm not here to tell you how to DIY for under $1000 and make it look like a million, I'm sure there is a blog for that. This is all about frank advice and frankly..weddings are expensive.
Now expensive is a relative term. For one bride 50K may seem like a phenomenal budget ,while another thinks that 50k will just about cover the decorating budget. Either way, there will be battles over where you put your dollars. There's a great tool on Weddingwire.com that allows you to create a budget and to keep track of things. I started that and decided that 55K was about what it would cost..and the final tally...ohhh somewhere around 70K. I just HAD to have those adorable hangers with the girls' names twisted into the wire and of course we had to have 40 pounds of Jelly Belly Beans for the Easter wedding and so what if the dress cost $700 more than we budgeted..it's the perfect one and on and on it went.
SO if it's so easy to loose control over the budget, why have one? Because you have to start somewhere and you will be expected to make decisions from the beginning that will affect your costs.
For instance: you fall in love with a venue that costs $6000 to rent and you have to bring in a caterer...you already know that your 150 guests will fit the capacity and you know that the caterer estimates that a dinner will cost about $100.00 per person, so you know right then that you are at $21,000.00 before flowers, brides outfit, photographer, music.....add on an average of 4K for each of these and you are now up to $33,000.Adds up fast huh? and these things are just the basics.
Again, i remind you that i am speaking of weddings that are of the caliber of those you'd see in magazines ..and these days, what brides see, is what they want.
SOOO all i am trying to get across is that you have to establish some kind of budget so that you can intelligently make decisions of where to hold the wedding, which caterer you can afford, what florist, music etc etc etc.. AND you have to establish this budget based on your expectations and your priorities. Is there any point in looking at Vera Wang when it will only break your heart if your daughter falls in love with a dress that costs $6000?
Next up...how to start the actual planning
First things First - the numbers
So now that you and your daughter have brainstormed ideas and shared your dreams for a perfect wedding, what do you do to get started?
The first thing you need to do is calmly tally up your numbers, and by numbers I mean the guestlist. You have no idea of what this wedding is going to cost or even where you can hold the wedding until you know how many people you want to invite. ( note: the rule of thumb is that +/- 15% of invited guests will decline...the reality??? could be anything, be prepared )
Cardinal rule #1.THIS WEDDING IS NOT A PAYBACK PARTY !!!!!!!!!
#2. If you haven't seen or heard from somebody in years, now is not the time to catch up. You won't have time the day of the wedding anyway.
#3. this is not a business party or your social life..if you want to have a party for all your acquaintances than have one..but don't use the wedding to entertain.
#4. If you can't pick up the phone at midnight and call a person for help, they are NOT your friend, they are an acquaintance.
#5, you may have a large family, but do you really feel the same about everyone? If wild Uncle Carl is a problem drunk ,do you care more about hurting his feelings than you do about his disrupting the wedding?
#6.Your doctor, your lawyer , your accountant..they are not necessarily your dear loved friends..they do not need to be part of your guestlist and they probably don't know anyone but you so .... are you starting to get the idea here?
The best way to control your costs is with the guestlistRemember that each person you invite ( and their spouse) starts to add up.. You will also find very quickly that venues have seating capacities and many interesting locations will not accommodate more than 150 guests for a seated dinner...
A wedding is an intimate affair to be shared with people who love and support you and the wedding couple.
So go bravely to that sheet of paper and scratch out all the people who you thought you HAD to invite and think about who you want to share this love and joy with.
Now what about the Bride and Groom's list and the inlaws?
The bride and groom no doubt have a ton of friends that they party with and who they went to school with. Luckily a lot of them are single. THEY CAN LIVE WITHOUT A DATE FOR ONE NIGHT!!! you do not want to pay for or have a 'date' attend the wedding. the 'date' probably won't know anyone and it is awkward all around, especially if you have a seated dinner..more on this later.
YES you have to invite significant others of bridal party members and any guest who is engaged may bring the fiance. If the B&G get harassed by a 'friend' who wants to bring a random date then you are officially the bad guy and you get to say no with impunity.
Once you see the B&G list, you can always ask them to pair it down using a similar criterion as stated above. Chances are their list will be reasonable and roughly equal to your list and it IS their wedding.
After you see where the numbers are, you will add a number for the inlaws,it should roughly be the same as yours. Don't get them involved quite yet though, because you have to find a venue that will fit your guestlist and your budget and you may all need to pair down your lists.
So now go and jot down who you think you want to invite and multiply that by 3 and you should have a reasonable number to start your venue search.....
read on
The first thing you need to do is calmly tally up your numbers, and by numbers I mean the guestlist. You have no idea of what this wedding is going to cost or even where you can hold the wedding until you know how many people you want to invite. ( note: the rule of thumb is that +/- 15% of invited guests will decline...the reality??? could be anything, be prepared )
Cardinal rule #1.THIS WEDDING IS NOT A PAYBACK PARTY !!!!!!!!!
#2. If you haven't seen or heard from somebody in years, now is not the time to catch up. You won't have time the day of the wedding anyway.
#3. this is not a business party or your social life..if you want to have a party for all your acquaintances than have one..but don't use the wedding to entertain.
#4. If you can't pick up the phone at midnight and call a person for help, they are NOT your friend, they are an acquaintance.
#5, you may have a large family, but do you really feel the same about everyone? If wild Uncle Carl is a problem drunk ,do you care more about hurting his feelings than you do about his disrupting the wedding?
#6.Your doctor, your lawyer , your accountant..they are not necessarily your dear loved friends..they do not need to be part of your guestlist and they probably don't know anyone but you so .... are you starting to get the idea here?
The best way to control your costs is with the guestlistRemember that each person you invite ( and their spouse) starts to add up.. You will also find very quickly that venues have seating capacities and many interesting locations will not accommodate more than 150 guests for a seated dinner...
A wedding is an intimate affair to be shared with people who love and support you and the wedding couple.
So go bravely to that sheet of paper and scratch out all the people who you thought you HAD to invite and think about who you want to share this love and joy with.
Now what about the Bride and Groom's list and the inlaws?
The bride and groom no doubt have a ton of friends that they party with and who they went to school with. Luckily a lot of them are single. THEY CAN LIVE WITHOUT A DATE FOR ONE NIGHT!!! you do not want to pay for or have a 'date' attend the wedding. the 'date' probably won't know anyone and it is awkward all around, especially if you have a seated dinner..more on this later.
YES you have to invite significant others of bridal party members and any guest who is engaged may bring the fiance. If the B&G get harassed by a 'friend' who wants to bring a random date then you are officially the bad guy and you get to say no with impunity.
Once you see the B&G list, you can always ask them to pair it down using a similar criterion as stated above. Chances are their list will be reasonable and roughly equal to your list and it IS their wedding.
After you see where the numbers are, you will add a number for the inlaws,it should roughly be the same as yours. Don't get them involved quite yet though, because you have to find a venue that will fit your guestlist and your budget and you may all need to pair down your lists.
So now go and jot down who you think you want to invite and multiply that by 3 and you should have a reasonable number to start your venue search.....
read on
My daughter said YES!..now what?
Welcome MoBs everywhere. this blog is for you.
Before I begin, some credits : our amazing photographer for the photo above:David Mielcarek, my daughter Lizzie for being a wonderful bride to be.
Now here we go.
49 days ago we celebrated the marriage of Lizzie & Bo. How we got from Oct 2 to April 23rd is an amazing journey,one that you are taking as you read this blog. Whether you have 6months or 2 years to plan a wedding, you still have to start somewhere. I will tell you about my journey and hopefully will help you with yours..
As soon as we heard the news I hightailed it to the bookstore and bought over $150.00 worth of wedding guides, magazine, planning binders and books. I poured through them looking for ideas and information. Every bit of advice was sugar coated and wedding-dream-like..and i KNEW that was a load of BS! Yes I've seen incredible love and understanding, but more often than i not I've seen mothers and daughters ready to pull each others hair out. Brides in tears and mothers exasperated over the bridezilla that used to be a lovely person... budgets woefully out of sync with expectations and families so stressed out that they want to forget the whole wedding. This is supposed to be a happy time and YES IT IS, but it is also fraught with landminds everywhere you turn. it sometimes feels like Murphy's Law is in overdrive.
So how do you navigate through this????? Well you start at the beginning
The first thing you and your daughter need to do is frankly discuss her expectations. Consider it a brainstorming session where nothing is written in stone and all ideas are IDEAS. Hear her out-just listen. Do NOT negate her ideas...there's time for changing minds later...just find out how she wants to progress..does she want a long engagement, does she love a certain time of year, has she dreamed of a big wedding,a small gathering etc etc...get a feel for what she wants to do. Be positive so that you 2 get started on the right track and let her know you are respecting her as an adult-even though she's still and always will be, your little girl.
Let her know that you are there to help her and to support her. Don't get the "I'm paying for it so you have to do what i say" attitude. On the other hand, don't get your feelings hurt if she acts like you know nothing and she is ready to run the show! Just let her express all the dreams she has for her wedding day..reality will hit soon enough.
It is soooooo vitally important that you and your daughter maintain an open and respectful dialog..never ever let your egos override your love for one another.
stay tuned!
Before I begin, some credits : our amazing photographer for the photo above:David Mielcarek, my daughter Lizzie for being a wonderful bride to be.
Now here we go.
49 days ago we celebrated the marriage of Lizzie & Bo. How we got from Oct 2 to April 23rd is an amazing journey,one that you are taking as you read this blog. Whether you have 6months or 2 years to plan a wedding, you still have to start somewhere. I will tell you about my journey and hopefully will help you with yours..
As soon as we heard the news I hightailed it to the bookstore and bought over $150.00 worth of wedding guides, magazine, planning binders and books. I poured through them looking for ideas and information. Every bit of advice was sugar coated and wedding-dream-like..and i KNEW that was a load of BS! Yes I've seen incredible love and understanding, but more often than i not I've seen mothers and daughters ready to pull each others hair out. Brides in tears and mothers exasperated over the bridezilla that used to be a lovely person... budgets woefully out of sync with expectations and families so stressed out that they want to forget the whole wedding. This is supposed to be a happy time and YES IT IS, but it is also fraught with landminds everywhere you turn. it sometimes feels like Murphy's Law is in overdrive.
So how do you navigate through this????? Well you start at the beginning
The first thing you and your daughter need to do is frankly discuss her expectations. Consider it a brainstorming session where nothing is written in stone and all ideas are IDEAS. Hear her out-just listen. Do NOT negate her ideas...there's time for changing minds later...just find out how she wants to progress..does she want a long engagement, does she love a certain time of year, has she dreamed of a big wedding,a small gathering etc etc...get a feel for what she wants to do. Be positive so that you 2 get started on the right track and let her know you are respecting her as an adult-even though she's still and always will be, your little girl.
Let her know that you are there to help her and to support her. Don't get the "I'm paying for it so you have to do what i say" attitude. On the other hand, don't get your feelings hurt if she acts like you know nothing and she is ready to run the show! Just let her express all the dreams she has for her wedding day..reality will hit soon enough.
It is soooooo vitally important that you and your daughter maintain an open and respectful dialog..never ever let your egos override your love for one another.
stay tuned!
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